Wow I Suck

Ok wow I am not impressed of my blogging abilities. You want to know why I haven't been blogging because I really truly haven't been doing much to keep off the weight. I am now more confident about some things. I have a friend that is holding me accountable to my working out. If I could just have a very loud obnoxious beeper that would go off in my head every time I picked something bad up to eat... I think it would make the journey a lot easier.
Yesterday I was inspired by a couple of friends who I was driving with back from Idaho to Montana. I was mostly listening to the conversation and what came up was how we all feel horrible how we eat, how we always feel much better when we are active and eating healthy and how much work it takes to stay that way!! If life could be the other way around and we could be happy with just sitting on the couch eating a bag of chips and our calorie burning exercise would be our mouths going up and down from eating the bag of chips and we just burned 182 calories wouldn't life be so much easier? Well of course but what I have realized on the journey is that life is work. Life is hard. If we work hard then we are so much happier in the end results.

Another thing that I thought was very inspiring was hearing the conversation laid down as " I don't want to be in shape or look great because of society I want to be in shape because I want to do my ministry well, and if I'm not in shape that I will not be able to do my ministry in excellence." I want to strive for excellence in this area. So I'm getting off the couch and running a 5K June 6th. I am in the process of training now for it. I want to be healthy and active for Me!!

Trials may be failures or failures may be trials!

So I know it's been a long long time since my last blog. I apologize for this. However the title of my blog is very appropriate to the way that I have been feeling. I think a lot of times I feel that when I am going through a trail then I feel like such a failure. I have been dealing with a lot of emotions lately with trying to lose weight and almost become obsessive about it that it becomes discouraging that I start saying to myself "I can start again on Monday." "I will start tomorrow." I wish it was just easy for me to lose weight. I wish I could just lose it all in one day. I realize that this is not realistic but I do wish it was much easier. I need to be able to encourage myself and become determined about this goal. I know it's realistic, I'm not setting to high standards, to put it to the truth, I just do not want to have to work that hard to get these results. Realistically I just wish I could push a magic button and I could just lose all of my weight. However, I do know that this is not realistic and that I need to be determined. Well here I come boot camp early in the morning. Signing out Desiree' :)

Hang On... Can I believe??

Ok so today is Tuesday and to be quite honest today I had no motivation at all to go work out. I did notice though that I was more aware of how much I was eating if I wasn't going to work out. Sometimes I swear there is like two of me battling over me. There me 1 who wants to do whatever it takes to lose all of my weight and be able to be healthy again and then there is me 2 who looks at everyone and wishes she could be like them because it would be easier. If I just was like them I wouldn't be wear I am at, or if I was just born in a diff Ara. GIVE ME A BREAK ME 2. Yes I know it's crazy to think this, but realistically this is what I am sure most woman or young gals go through every freakin day to be accepted by society. Well to heck with society. Why do be believe so much of this when really I should believe in myself and love me. I put way to much focus on what I should look like. If I would focus that much on something else I am sure the world would be a much happier place if I didn't think about me or we didn't think so much about what "they" think!! OK OK enough of my tangent! I am getting up tomorrow morning for some boot camp. I am going to work work work and sacrifice an hour to really burn some calories and know that I am working and doing my best to perfect what my body needs to be healthy again.

My focus tomorrow: To not say anything or think anything negative about myself. This challenge is going to be hard but I know it is possible because I am taking back what society has taught me to believe to being what I know I can be!!! :)
Signing off
50 more lbs to go!!

Weekend Crashers!!

Real quick because I have a minute or two right now. My weekends are a struggle to be quite honest, I just have all the time in the world :) Yeah right. Just to be completely honest with myself I think I am an emotional eater and eat out of boredom. this is what I observed during the weekend. However I did commit to walk on Sat, Sun and that did happen :) So yeah go me!! I'll write more late about my routine in the morning and how everything went at my 4th day of boot camp :) Until then see ya later:)

Alarm Alarm Alarm

Day 5 of Workout. Quite honestly I don't think in the last 2 years of losing my weight that I have ever went all 5 days to do a workout. I am totally psyched that I achieved this! It wasn't ever a goal of mine to go 5 days a week it was more like I should probably do this. I am going to try my best to keep going 5 days a week and keep consistent with this. If you know me at all I am not consistent with anything. I'll say I want to do something for a blank amount of time and I'll try and I for some reason fail at it every single time. Maybe I expect to much, maybe I'm not making realistic goals, but I still think I need to commit when I say I am going to commit.


If your falling along with my blogs you know that I was suppose to get up like at 4:30am to go to my bootcamp class? Yep didn't happen and honestly it was my alarms fault not mine no excuses here at all. I woke up thinking; Wow I feel like I've been sleeping longer than I should be! I looked at the alarm clock and sure enough it was 5:45am bummer:( So yes I missed my class this morning. But good news is I have Fridays off from work so I remembered that they do the same boot camp class at 9:00am also so I went to that. So I didn't miss it. I have decided that unless I have other commitments then I will just get up on Fridays and go to that 9:00am class. On the bright side I'll get to sleep in. :)

Today wasn't a hard class at all I felt great about the workout. I probably could have pushed myself a little harder but I did my best and that's all I can do.

Thinking moment: I have found that I will always do really well during the week and during the weekends really slack off. My Goal this weekend is to keep on track with everything. I am going to commit to go for a walk on Saturday, and Sunday, just to be able keep my mind from saying "I deserve to be lazy this weekend I worked hard this week" I am going to reward myself with something better than being lazy!!

Signing off Thanks,
Desiree'

Day Four and I Want More! No More excuses!!

I honestly woke up this morning not wanting to go and work out. I got up and I got everything packed and ready for my day. I even had some time to just sit and relax. Well I found as I was by my fireplace with my cat all cuddled up by the heater I began to find myself wanting to not go work out and just hang out with the cat. (Excuse #1 Ready) I've worked really hard the last three days and I deserve a day I'll make it up on Saturday. Who am I kidding! I began to find myself lying to myself. I even had my husband convinced that is exactly what I would do.
I even at the audacity to tell me husband that I miss showering in my own shower the gym shower just weren't cutting it for me (Excuse #2). I began to think that I should be grateful for even being able to shower daily. :) I then talked myself out of the excuses and finally gave in this morning and walked out of my house at 5:50am to begin my morning workout.

Well I began to ponder about it and knew that I was kidding myself and that I would not make up the day so I just got up and went and worked out.

Destination: The Gym: When I finally got to my destination I felt great! No I felt awesome after working out! I just felt like my body is ready for all of this and I am willing to put up with just about anything.

Until the full the rest of my day started and I realized my number one enemy is..... myself. I wish I could tell you that it's somebody else, but realistically it never has been it has always been me. I get down on myself and then become very self critical about my image. Then the 2nd worst enemy that would discourage me would be STRESS.

I can't believe how much stress can add on to your life and become a discouragement then an encouragement. Ok, I know that is probably why most of us gain weight anyhow, because of stress in our world. If life could just be still at times I think their would be more success stories about people being able to lose weight. If their just was no such thing as stress, but we live in a broken world and I guess there really isn't any excuse for me. Yes I am trying to find excuses, I always have tried and it just doesn't seem to ever work out. You think I would catch on to this theory and stop making up excuses!


Valuable Lesson learned today was to not make excuses!

2nd Lesson Learned today was that if your not prepared then you won't succeed. So no procrastinating!

Well if you've been reading my blog I've been writing that I've been tired but except I have only spelled out the word tire :) So I guess that proves my point I am tired and I am going to wake up tomorrow for day 3 of Boot camp!! Tomorrow will be a better day. Did I tell you that I have Fridays off and I am going to get up at 4:30am to go to my boot camp. Go ME!!!! :)

Your weightloss journey friend,
Desiree' May

Better get A-Movin and Get Off of the Secret Station

February 24, 2010 8:12pm
Well I am sure no one is reading this and I am ok with this but boy are you missing out on some secrets secrets secrets ;) This morning was a good morning! I woke up tire of course who wouldn't be when they wake up at 4:30am. Just to let you all know I am so thankful for my awesome husband he also gets up with me and he will prepare my b-fast,lunch and pack it for me because once I go to the gym I am heading to work right after. Anywoo to get off that tangent. I woke up and did the 2nd day of boot camp it actually was hard but it felt so good due to how sore I was I didn't think I would be able to do anything, but I did and I did it with strength and perseverance. I did not weigh myself today I am only going to try to weigh myself weekly. I think it is healthy to obsess over it either so I am only going to do a weekly weigh in.

So I do have to admit today, I did not give it my hardest but I was sore :)

Guilty thought today: (Driving home from work and I had some left over valentine candy from my husband and I totally woofed it down. I then became very guilty about this)

Lesson I learned: Do not ever feel guilty about making a mistake just get back on the wagon and work harder that next second, minute, hour, day.... Positive thinking is much better!!

So I am going to sign off! I will be getting up around 5:00am to go to a 30minute cardio this time I am going to try to give it my all!!

Thanks to whoever is interested in reading my posts!!