tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62919338814556301172024-02-08T11:02:07.543-07:0050lbs seems so far even after losing 126 then gaining 31lbs back YUCK!!!This is a blog to let the whole world know about my struggle with weight loss. I want to be vulnerable to people so that I have accountability. I want the world to know day in and day out with what I am struggling with. Most American women struggle with some type of eating disorder, body image or self-esteem I want to take it back and own myself and not let the world tell me anything different. I am a strong and beautiful person I am Desiree' I am a new person!!desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-13939484334167850122012-05-02T15:36:00.000-06:002012-05-02T15:36:01.417-06:00Love is PatientI keep finding myself thinking of life as a journey. I am sure many times we all do. I was looking over some of my older blogs and as much as this was suppose to be a weight loss journey it has kind of become a journey of my life throughout the last couple of years. (I'm not the best with keeping this consistent) I looked up the word journey and it is defined as: The act of traveling from one place to another, a trip. In the last couple of years I didn't plan on traveling from one place to another. I have traveled many places not necessarily physical places as I have done some of this but mostly through experiences.<br />
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My husband and I's 3rd year anniversary is coming up on the 16th of May and in just these short 3 years I have had a Journey I guess he would say we. But this blog is about me!! :) I have learned so much and still have a lot to learn about being a wife. For the 1st and 2nd year I was broken because I wasn't the normal wife that like to cook for my husband. As some of my friends do this for their husband. I actually am awful at this not cooking necessarily I just hate it so therefore I'm not passionate about it. I finally come to realization that my husband likes it and it's ok for him to cook. So we finally after almost 3years of battling this we have come to a compromise. If I plan what we are having do the shopping and have it set out ready my husband will do the physical cooking of it. :) Wow what a great idea huh.
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Funny this wasn't suppose to really be about my husband and I but I guess we are one now for almost 3 years WOW! So the other journey that I have found myself is being a mom. I'm not going to boast or anything but I know this is what I was created for! I love it! It's truly the best job ever. I love my lil guy so much it hurts as I am sure most moms and dads can relate. One of the first things I remember when Tristen entered into our world on February 9th, 2011 at 9:15 is thinking of the instant love I had for him. I have even developed this relationship with him other than carrying him for 9months I guess. I would define this love as unconditional love. Which is defined as an affection without any limitations. This is when it really connected for me!<br />
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Is our Heavenly Father how much he loves us unconditionally. I began to think of this feeling I have for Tristen and began to cry if I love my son truly this much, then my Heavenly Father loves me so much more! WOW can you believe this? I am going to say that again. My Heavenly Father Loves me so much more than I love my own son. It's kind of unfathomable for me to even think about, but I am.<br />
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I guess now I have to start working on this with myself. To love me. I know I am loved by so many people and I love so many people, but I don't think I have truly learned to love myself. I think we are taught as Christian to be selfless and not selfish and I believe as I have tried to walk through this I am still a very selfish person! I am going to try a lot harder to truly believe that my Father Loves me more than I love my own son. That I can love myself and begin on this journey of become less selfish and become selfless. Thank you all who have loved me unconditionally you are loved too! :)<br />
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I am going to leave with a few versus here that I found on love. There is a lot so I just chose a few! I hope and pray that you know that you are loved so deeply by our heavenly Father! Please take these versus and write them down or print them out and paste them all over your room/house so you begin to truly know that you are loved. :)<br />
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Romans 5:8 ESV<br />
But God shows his <b>love</b> for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.<br />
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1Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV<br />
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not <b>love</b>, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not <b>love</b>, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. <b>Love</b> is patient and kind; <b>love</b> does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...<br />
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1 John 4:16 ESV<br />
So we have come to know and to believe the <b>love</b> that God has for us. God is <b>love</b>, and whoever abides in <b>love</b> abides in God, and God abides in him.<br />
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Romans 5:5 ESV<br />
And hope does not put us to shame, because God's <b>love</b> has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.<br />
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Isaiah 49:15-16 ESV<br />
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.<br />
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Jeremiah 31:3 ESV<br />
The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have <b>loved</b> you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-89088579584126558592012-01-17T09:52:00.003-07:002012-01-17T09:58:29.325-07:00Prayer is powerfulWow can I just say Thank you to you all who have prayed for us. In just these few last week things have really started to look up. Cooper has a job (temporarily) but perfect timing with work and for him to go to school. God had that planned all along. I am still struggling with the thought of this pregnancy but day to day it get's better. Cooper and I have been able to really just sit and talk and our relationship is getting better (not that it was awful or anything) it was just hard for him not to be doing or providing as he would say. The church we are attending Connect in Belgrade is just completely amazing and inspirational. Spiritually I am doing lots better. I think the hardest thing for me right now is so much solitude for me but it's also been quite amazing. I don't have much to say but I just wanted to let you all know that. Hope is in the McCann clan and that we are thriving to be better at everything God has called us too. Thank you for all your prayers and please don't stop. Again thank you!! :) <br /><br />Desiree' Maydesireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-59476986310546261452012-01-02T04:19:00.003-07:002012-01-02T04:52:24.748-07:00A New Beginning...Feeling HopelessThis I am beginning to see is not a blog about weight loss as much as it is a journey of my life. I stepped back and read a few of my past blogs and began feeling hopeless about all of this. I have struggled way to long with this stupid battle of weight. I think about several times a day. But this today is not about my weight it about this journey we all call life. Ok my life currently in right now. As I was reading through status on the wonderful social media of facebook I kept seeing people say 2012 is going to be good, it's going to be great!! At church today our Pastor even said the same kind of response. Well as I am an individual for me I felt like it's going to be one of the biggest years that I battle with. In my marriage, in being a mom, in finding myself, in continuing to lose weight, in confidence, fears, emotions. Now I am not trying to speak of my future but this is what I feel right now. HOPELESS. <br /><br />Out situation isn't the greatest right now but I keep trying to mask on the Christian face and I keep telling myself I should see this as a blessing, I should see the good in this all. By "this all I mean" the end of 2011 sucked for me. <br /><br />1. Cooper was fired from his job with no rhyme or reason what so ever.<br />2. We moved back to Montana from Boise because family is comfort in hard times (Blessing)<br />3. We currently live in a very tiny home (500 ft) in Pony MT population: Ghost town of 300 or less. (Now this is a Blessing also because we are fortunate to have a roof over our head and warmth and my mother in law is not charging us a dime I see this as a blessing for sure but I am struggling big time in this.)<br />4. I feel that my husband and I are growing apart. (Set in depression I am sure) <br />5. Cooper found out he is not allowed to collect unemployment because he was fired, but he is fighting this. (So pray hard please)<br />6. I am no longer losing weight as I found out that I am pregnant. Yes you read that right I am pregnant. Unplanned pregnancy right here. This is probably the hardest thing for me to deal with right now because I am not a joyful parent finding out that I am pregnant. I feel that it is completely wrong timing. The baby will be due August 13th. Then I will be a mother of two children who are 18months apart and it is freaking me out!!! (I do know that God has a plan for us and that his timing his the best even if I am blind to seeing it)<br />7. I feel more lonely that I have ever ever felt in my life. (Maybe it's the hormones, but it is what I feel right now) <br />8. I hate putting on a fake smile to pretend that everything is alright. <br />9. I am still dealing with an emotional loss of a friend (meaning we are no longer friends because of our mess ups with each other. But I am trying to be that Christian friend that will not give up on the relationship because if I do then I must be weak, cold hearted, careless)<br />10. BIGGEST thing right now is feeling like I'm living in Silence with my heavenly Father. I seem to feel that I can't hear him no longer. <br />11. Found out that a family member of mine is going to have to go to treatment because of yet another addiction in our family tree.<br /><br />As I write this I begin to see some of these as not a real serious life threatening thing but others I really see as an attack on my life. I know I know it could be worse right? Wrong! This I feel is my worst and maybe it's just this moment in time but man I don't know if I can take anymore falls lately. <br /><br />It is 4:43am. I have been up for a couple of hours now. There is Peace I can see it I just don't know when it is coming and that is what is probably driving me to these emotions is not knowing the future right now. At the same time I am glad I don't know. So back to my number 10. I began to talking to God in the wee hours of this morning and I just couldn't decipher if it was myself talking to me or not. Then I became distracted by my smartphone and saw the social media sign calling my name. Good ol Facebook the big White and Blue F... Who says God doesn't speak through facebook and uses his children to speak. I was reading a status Kate Frank's status (now Kate and I have only met a couple of times through the Boise Vineyard and she is wonderful child of God) She posted this bible verse. <br /><br />Isiah 43:16<br />"I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. "But forget all that- it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."<br /><br />This is what I am ending with. WOW and I was doubting The Heavenly Father! I am in the perfect arms of my savior. Thank You JESUS!!!<br /><br />P.S. If you'd like to pray please pray for my list there of oh pitty me's. Because I do need it! <br /><br />Love Desiree' May a daughter, princess of Christ!! :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-8072251374154028462011-12-13T20:13:00.005-07:002011-12-13T20:49:03.122-07:00Earth Quake!!!Wow can I just say that I feel like I've been in an earth quake! I guess I have never been in a really earthquake so I can't truly say this but I can say my life has been shaken up a bit. Let's begin the day of November 10th... I just started on Weight watcher a couple of days prior to this and very consistent with working out 7 weeks to be exact. We got the horrible news that Cooper was fired from work this was shockingly surprising to the both of us, Cooper was so shocked. They had to let him go due to funds in the company I guess that lack their of. Well you know what is sad is when Cooper delivered the news all I could think of is in "my head" "What about weight watchers?" Isn't this disgusting!! Anyhow then I step back into reality and was like what the heck! What are we going to do? We were loving are family of friends in Boise. We really were beginning to feel like Boise could be a possible home for us. We met so many amazing people! People that literally would do anything for you in a second! It seemed like we had finally found ourselves where we could maybe be for awhile. Cooper and I both knew though that Boise would never be a settling down place, due to that is career of choice was very limited in the whole state of Idaho. This job literally the only job in his field in the whole state of Idaho. So that being said we knew right away that we must move back to Montana and just start figuring out life. We knew about a month prior to him being notified of getting fired that he decided to go back to Gradschool so we knew that we would be going back to MT sometime in the summer but not now, we did not have this planned to move. <br /><br />So we had to do what we had to do,,, We sold almost everything we owned! (Almost) Can I just say when we moved to Boise we had a 20ft, plus a truck with another trailer on it and another car full of materialistic crap that we did not want to let go of. Let's just say the move back to MT we only, only had a 14ft moving truck and that is it. This may have been one of the hardest things but most wonderful thing that happened to us. All the materialistic crap in my life that I thought was so important was not really that important anymore. We lost everything but not really! Our faith has grown so much in the last 5 Months and I think the Lord was truly preparing me for this, because I kept telling myself Wow if I could just get rid of this. <br /><br />Your probably asking what does this have to do with my weight loss journey! A whole lot actually. Currently right now I am still doing weight watchers and am very successful so far I've lost 10lbs in 6 weeks on top of what I already lost before starting WW. The thing is now it seems a lot harder to be successful but I am not going to let this temporary earthquake shake me up! The hardest challenge for me is right now we live in a very very small cabin in the middle of nowhere and it's freezing outside. Quite literally 10 degrees or lower some days. So how does one exercise consistently and hard. Well let's just say I haven't accomplished this yet. we have been going on several walks so that is good! Also the closest weight watchers meeting is an hour away. I have been very committed to this. So during this period of waiting out life, I can only focus on my eating habits so I take this has a blessing! :) Working out is easy for me, it has never been really that easy for me on the whole eating part of it all to stay healthy! <br /><br />So if your reading this there are some prayer request we have<br />1. We are able to really seek Jesus in this time of waiting and take advantage of this<br />2. Cooper get's into grad=school. He will find out in March (Which he's confident he will) but you just never know<br />3. Cooper is able to find a temporary job until then.<br />4. Cooper's Mom and inherited father will see our faith grow stronger through this hard time and that she will seek the Lord herself.<br />5. That the Lord continue to provide for us and give us a clear direction. <br /><br />Our Praises<br />1. We have this time to really just give to the Lord<br />2. Coopers Mom has this little cabin we are able to wait on life in until we figure out what we need to do... Rent free and utilities<br />3. Our lil guy T is healthy and growing like he should<br />4. Cooper and I are closer than we have ever been. I guess quite literally! He is my Rock!<br />5. We have been able to sit and pray for many people in our lives. <br />6. We have had some brief but great conversations with his Mom<br />7. Mother in law is bonding with her grandson<br />8. We are loved and have been blessed by so many friends and family in our lives and they are our Rock in prayer! Thank YOU!!<br />9. I am still losing weight!! :)<br />10. Loving my journey right now actually! :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-51482486706824541792011-11-04T10:46:00.005-06:002011-11-04T11:05:48.455-06:00At PeaceI had an incident a few days ago. I lost a friend/supporter in my life (not death) just our friendship had to end. I was so frantic about things and the character of who they called me out to be. I realized this is the enemy attacking me yet again, these are lies. I was going to fall off...my training myself... but then I realized that is exactly what the enemy wants me to do. He wants me to fail, because I have realized the closer I get to my consistencies in life the closer I am with my Heavenly Father. I love Him so much. Yesterday was a very rough day starting in the morning. I was about to give up on everything. My faith mostly... I just wanted to surrender and not believe that there is such a thing as God...because of breakup with a dear friend whom is a Christian. I couldn't believe the things that came from this person the hatred. Yes I said some awful things too. I will admit that I am not perfect. I got on my hands and knees yesterday and prayed "LORD I need physical confirmation that the lies this person was speaking into me if there is any inkling of this as truth please please let me know!!" I don't want to be this person. This person said I had a seared conscience because I told them that I was no longer believing the lies that they were speaking into me. All morning I was like what if this person is right about my "seared conscience". I then again was LORD if any of this is true please please let me know in physical confirmation. I was about to give up on everything yesterday until I was like no that is exactly what it wants. TO GIVE UP, NOT TO SUCCEED!! So I went to my Zumba class and let me tell you I was crying like a baby all the way there, I was so angry. And then about the 3rd song I just was having fun again I was free from even any of these lies. The class ended and I was about to walk out until my instructor said "Desiree' come here what's up with you?" Lately you've been leaving class without any word. She knew that I'm trying really hard to lose my weight. She is kind of my accountability partner if you can say that. She then began to speak and said "Desiree' I just wanted to Thank you for your love for people, your willingness to do anything for them, You are beautiful!! You are gorgeous." (This just made me cry more like a baby I was literally shaken and she asked me what is wrong? I said you spoke the truth to me and I asked God this morning to give me a physical confirmation about something I was told I was... and you confirmed I am not!! I was so at peace with everything. I know for sure that I am not those words this person spoke into me. That was truly from the enemy. Thank You Lord for who you are in my life! I will continue to conquer this battle of weight in my life. I am going to lose it all in one year. I vow this to you!! :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-70888310647355973892011-10-24T10:55:00.003-06:002011-10-24T11:22:48.092-06:00Jealousy.... A BIG PITOk I'm not one that usually gets jealous.... WAIT back up I would be lying if I said that. I'm finding more and more that I am a very jealous person. I know I know I'm not suppose to right, but I do that is a big fault of mine. Last night I was speaking with my husband and a topic came up and I realized that I'm a very selfish individual. Well I am human, but I am capable of changing my attitudes and thoughts. This morning as I was working out I didn't have my headphones so I was unable to listen to my body pumping music so instead I decided to watch others as there working out. YES I am a people watcher for sure. I saw this gal probably my age or older but she was like wonder woman. She was on the treadmill and she was to speed intervals like speed 11 and jog 6. (WOW) I was just amazed by her. I would like to say in my head I was like way to go, your awesome, but nope! That's not at all what I said in my head. I said "Show-off" then I realized I became quickly jealous. Not in that instant time but now.<br /><br />Yes I am a jealous person. I hate that sometimes I feels that it's easier for people to do things. There are many things this past week that I have become jealous of... <br />1. People that don't have to work at being (skinny)<br />2. People that have the money to just have everything they want<br />3. People that are very talented in photography but not willing to share their talent<br />4. People that can run a marathon like they just ran a mile<br />5. People that are completely out of debt<br />6. People that can go shopping for clothes and have fun with it<br />7. People that can just have an easy fix and don't have to work at it<br /><br />These are things that I am jealous of and this morning as I was listening to a radio station Dave Ramsey (He does a financial peace university and helps people get out of debt) I realized I have a very jealous heart. Which is really holding me back to becoming the person I was created to be. Those are probably the most recent but I have realized I'm living in these lies daily and the enemy is really attacking me with these. Instead of being jealous I need to take in control and be able to do this myself. Some of these are really unrealistic and have no need to even be in my thoughts but they are. They really are tearing me apart. How am I suppose to transform if I keep having these negative thoughts. I know most people probably wouldn't admit who or what their jealous of but I had to write this to come into a realization that this is what is holding me back from being great. I want to be a great photographer! I want to be a very healthy active person that can run a marathon. I want to be debt free! I need to learn to teach myself that lies are lies and I can either live in that lie or break free from that lie. Today I have an opportunity to meet with a very passionate photographer. I have the opportunity to become a great photographer. also have an opportunity to get our family out of debt. I have the opportunity to be a very healthy and active marathon runner! I will do these and may more. No longer will I live behind these lies! No longer will I live in jealously. Starting today I am going to break free from this evil pit of jealousy I am no longer going to allow to take control. Instead of wishing that I could be like that gal at the gym and become jealous I am going to tell her Awesome job and become that myself. I want to be an encourager for all! I want to be a teacher to all! :) I will break free of this. Jealously will no long hold me captive. I am done falling into this pit daily. This realistically is going to be very hard but I know I can live a jealous free life. This may be my biggest challenge yet. Will you walk with me in this challenge?desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-71882680520944615532011-10-18T13:58:00.001-06:002011-10-18T14:01:30.813-06:00My Own Worst EnemyHello you all transformers out there ready to hit the nation. So I feel good for sure but am not feeling great. Last night I went to a Zumba class at a dance studio of Ballet. Now I've never been a ballet dancer but I felt so awkward being there. It wasn't that I was there for a ballet class what-so-ever but parents were waiting for their little ballerinas to get out of class while the many of us Adult beginner Zumba people were waiting to go into the room. I began to feel that eyes were all over me. Making comments in their heads about me. It was really hard to enjoy my Zumba class last night because of the thoughts that I was having that I was making up in my own head that these others may have been thinking. I don't know if this makes any sense at all. There was a whole part of me that wanted to put on my shirt If you think I'm fat you should have seen me when I was 300 pounds. :) LOL and then on my back saying down blank pounds. Just so people knew that I was determined and I was losing weight. I think this is hard right now because I have moved to a different place where people did not know me. So I am going off of their first impression. I know this is all in my head that I making crap up to discourage myself on what other may be thinking. Key word "May be thinking." Even in my Zumba class I was the heaviest person there it was so hard to enjoy dancing while looking in the mirror and seeing myself reflection. Why must they have mirrors. O right to make sure you have the correct posture!!! Then to top it all off the instructor (love her dearly) was like OK everyone front row go back and back row come forward I almost had a heart attack. I am trying to get as far a way from my reflection as possible so I don't have to look at it. Then she says go to your "Happy Place" which was funny because how in the Hell can I go to my happy place when I am already feeling very awkward that close to a full body mirror!! I just want to holler "Mirror Mirror on this wall get the hell out of hear so I can just enjoy myself dancing." But it didn't so I had to do a Zumba song in front of a mirror that felt like just inches away. As soon as we were finished with the one song I looked back at the lady that was originally in my happy spot and pleaded with her so I could have that spot back. She was very nice and was like of course. Now tell me there is something wrong hear. Why do I think that way? Why do I keep holding myself back? Yes it's truly me who is holding me back. Not anyone. Not the ballerinas, or the ballerina parents. They never said a thing. I should have been able to go confidently in and strut my stuff. But I was embarrassed. Yes I was embarrassed by myself. I need to not only transform my body but mostly my mind and my thoughts. I am my own worst enemy right now! I will conquer this I know I will and when I do I am going to shout on top of a mountain! I DID IT!!!! :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-41073089300656355622011-10-14T11:43:00.001-06:002011-10-14T11:44:56.938-06:00I will not Quit!I am so tired today! But I have to do a work out. I think I will do my wii Zumba today. This is day 5 of completed workout if I do it... OK not if (when) I do it. I find it's really hard to stay motivated especially for me right now. I am a new Mommy to a beautiful baby boy who is 8 months right now. He is the one that keeps me motivated I guess. I want to be able to play with my guy until I am too old and have to be in a wheel chair. I don't want him to ever have to go through what I did as a child. I want him to learn good habits now and always keep them not only for him but for my future children as well. I want to transform my family not just myself. I saw a quote on the wonderful Facebook it said " It takes 4 weeks to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the whole world to notice. Give it 12 weeks. Don't Quit." I loved this it was very inspirational I hope one day I can tell the world about this long difficult journey! I want to be an encouragement to the world that no matter what your addiction is it takes 12 weeks. Don't Quit!! I am not quitting I will not quit!!! Thank you all who are an inspiration to me keep the comments coming they sure are helpful!! :) O by the way I have to go shopping today for some new pants! GOOD NEWS!!desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-17675697969917314782011-10-07T08:39:00.002-06:002011-10-07T08:51:36.210-06:00Go me and Not lil MonstersI am feeling great!! Went to the gym and had a wonderful workout. I love getting up in the early mornings and not having to deal with traffic, or get my son ready to go to the gym. All I have to do is hop in my car and go while husband stays and watches the lil guy while I have an hour all to myself. WOW what was I thinking why didn't I do this earlier. :) I don't know what to say is that all I am ready is to transform myself. I can't get over how happy I am to be changing for life. To change myself physically and really truly keep it there. I love who I am but I can be better is what I keep telling myself. As many of you know who are actually reading this blog I have been struggling with weight. I had an amazing conversation via facebook with a long distance cousin who I honestly can't remember her ever really in my life because she was older than I and we just connected via facebook. O How I love social networking. She has been keeping up with me in my posts and sent me a message saying how she knows what I am going through. That she is in the same boat. That I was encouraging her to get on track with life. It was funny cause she mentioned weight issues being in the family being genetic. I always knew that in my good ol maiden name (West) family people dealt with it but didn't know to the extent that she and I were talking about it. It was so refreshing to hear that she knew what I was struggling with and she knew the pain of trying to fight it. As I have said before this is an "addiction." I told her that I think subconsciously I used the "genetics" card for a long while and just kept saying it was hopeless it's in my blood I'll never be the person I want to be. Then I realized that was that damn "lil monster" speaking to me again. I had to realize that I cannot and will not use that as an excuse. I can change. I will change. I will transform. Here is a shout to all of you that have it in "your blood" you can break free from it. You can change, you can do it, you can transform for the next generation!! :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-22450746559257001952011-10-05T09:26:00.004-06:002011-10-05T09:44:59.375-06:00Transformation NationI woke up early this morning meaning 6:00am for most people that is probably not early but for me it is. I went to the Gym and workout!! Day 6 of getting up early and doing this. I know this is silly but we read in the paper yesterday Dr OZ 7 steps. He is titling it Dr Oz's transformation nation. In the paper it gave a lot of frightening statics about America and it's climbing obesity rate. Which I thought was astonishing because I thought we as a Nation have been getting better but I guess not. So he going to give a person a Millon dollars to transform their life. I am trying to do it. Not so much the million dollars but it sure is an awesome incentive to try to work up too. I don't want to be the one that lost weight because of a million dollars I want to lose weight because of a million reason. One biggest thing is I want to be young with my children. I was inspired today at the gym this morning by a lady that was probably between the age of 60-70 not sure but she was working out hard and I was like that is what I want to be when I get older I want to be that lady that has all the energy in the world to play with her grandkids and not have to be stuck to a wheel chair. I am young enough to change that now. So not even a million dollars will get me to be that. The only thing that will get me to be that is my own determination to succeed and damn it I am going to succeed. If I don't win the million dollars and I win the good health card to me that is a millon bucks. I want to live a long life. Unless of course God says otherwise. But I don't want to die because of my health I don't want to go down knowing that I died because she was fat and unhealthy. Here is too this journey that I am finally going to take back!! :) Thanks Desiree' May<br /><br />PS Encouragement is always great thank you all!! :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-64040483374500179492011-10-04T09:09:00.005-06:002011-10-04T09:26:54.222-06:00Lil Monster Be KindLike I've said many times I suck at blogging. I think of it often and I am like I should write that on my blog. So I have found so many things in my life to be hard and I would say this Journey of weight loss is so so so hard. I feel trapped sometimes and then other days I feel re-leaved that I can do something about it that I don't have to be trapped here for life. I think I started this blog like almost 2 years ago and I'm still not at my goal weight. I have found in the last several months that it is not about my goal weight nor is it about my weight in general. I found that I need to have something that motivates me to really really want to do it. It is consuming my thoughts daily. That is not a life to live to have a lil monster whispering voices in my head all day saying your fat, your ugly, your this your that. "You want that, You deserve it" "Hey you can't have that" "You will never be there" "You will never succeed" Why does it consume my thoughts? Why does this journey of life have to be so hard. I have lived with being overweight all my life pretty much. At least that is what I believed because others put that in my head. Again those lil monsters. I can re-call maybe my first memory of someone saying I was fat. I was playing on a basketball team I was in 6th grade and I can remember a gal charging at me with a ball and saying move it fatty. Those words were so hurtful. I loved the sport basketball. I loved it so much it was a way that I could escape life for awhile and just be on the court playing basketball. Then after hearing that I became very self conscience about myself on the court. I couldn't just play like I use to. I can remember looking at my basketball shorts which were a size medium and drawing a "S" on it to show that I was size "S" come on now I was only a freaking "M" that is not fat or is it? When did we decided that "M" was the next "XXL" if your not a "XS" or "S" your fat. I remember I was going in for a layup and that same gal was like watch out the hog is coming. I stopped and completely missed my shot. I could no longer play basketball just to have fun just to escape life. I became so aware of my body that was when my weight problems started to arise. I let one person speak that into my life that I became that. I still am that at times I definitely have come out of my shell is far as being confident. I think I am much more confident now even at the weight that I am now then what I was back then. I am just learning so much about myself on this journey. I am a new person I just want to be better. I want to be able to re-claim my spot on the court and be proud of my "M" size. I will I know I'll get there. I guess the quote "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" So wrong words stick to you for so long. Just remember this "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all." Now that is truth. :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-473928380158657432011-06-16T12:26:00.003-06:002011-06-16T12:38:41.490-06:00Mirror Mirror In The Room, Tell Me Tell MeWow I had quite an amazing morning actually. I've been doing the Zumba class here in Boise and I absolutely love it. I feel great except when they have all those mirrors around the room. WOW I went through the whole class then towards the end of the class I took a look at myself in the Mirror and sobbed uncontrollably. Thankfully no one saw me but I really was happy and went to straight sad. Here I am the person 4 years ago that lost a ton of weight and it slowly but quickly catching back up to me. I had a slight conversation with a friend on the phone and she asked how I was doing? You know what I couldn't hold it in anymore, I said to her I just hate that I struggle with my weight it consumes my thoughts probably 12 hrs a day. Why can't I just be happy with myself? I told her I just wish I could be happy with who I am. I love who I am personality wise but when I look at my body I am shocked. I HATE IT. I can honestly say that. I really am asking the Lord to release me from this addiction. What am I holding on to so much? I want a magic wand and just poof skinny Des. But what would that teach me right! I know I have to work hard at this. But I feel like I am completely alone in this challenge. I kind of envy my husband while I've been gaining weight he's been losing weight. Not on purpose by any means. He just has one of "Those metabolisms" but in reality he has control. I have no control, I mean I do but the mental control is exhausting sometimes. I am one day going to lose all my weight, I am one day going to beat this addiction. I am one day going to have Control. LORD give me all of this break me and mold me into the person you physically created me to be. I want to stop looking at people and wishing that I looked like them. I want to be happy with me physically. I want this but do I want it bad enough? As I type I feel like I want it bad enough but living my life out it sure doesn't seem like it. I guess it's kind of the same way as being a Christian. I want it when I am thinking about it, I want to live my life for Christ and only Christ but then I get stuck in the swamp and get all sticky and don't go after living my life for Christ. So Mirror Mirror on the wall, Tell Me Tell Me do I want it at all?desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-51864059346914158012011-04-22T10:32:00.002-06:002011-04-22T10:47:28.053-06:00commitment and relatation???This last week I've been thinking a lot about the dedication part. Have I started yes and no. Yes I am praying lots, no I'm not reading much. I actually just finished what I would call "junk TV" Friday Night Lights. Just last night I was speaking with my husband and I said after I'm finished watching the last season of Friday Night Lights I'll get to my reading the Bible. I laugh because shouldn't it be the other way? Shouldn't I desire the bible more than a stupid football tv drama deal. Well I think God overheard what I said last night because I woke up and I started my season and there was only 1 episode left and finished it and now I should be reading the Bible. Instead I'm on the computer writing about what I should be doing. LOL :) But on a serious factor I am going to read I have given up my tv watching habit. <br /><br />Lately I've been praying that God will help me re-lactate for my little blessing Tristen. For all of you that don't know I couldn't produce enough milk for my Lil one and started giving him formula, then what supply I did have kind of dried up. Then I started on birth control and about a week later on the birth control all of a sudden I started to re-lactate! WOW I was amazed it wasn't like a full feeding by any means for Tristen but I was producing more. I went to my breastfeeding bunch and as that Lactation Consultant about it because I was in awe most woman when they get on birth control their milk supply will decrease expect me. I am the odd one out. :) So I've been praying hard that God would let me give Tristen a full supply. Then I heard a word. "Commitment" yuck lately I don't do well at committing. For this month I am going to through the re lactation process that means a lot of time and commitment. I told my husband last night that I want to do this to show that I can be dedicated and committed to something. Even if I don't get a full supply of milk for my Lil blessing. I know that I was obedient to what God wants me to do. To pick something and be full heartily be committed to it. So here is the plan. I am going to start reading The Bible, Praying for a miracle that I can produce a full supply of milk for Tristen, and pumping, feeding, pumping, pumping every two hours in the day for a month. <br /><br />Please pray that I can commit to this! Like I said it's not about me being able to have a full supply of milk but being able to commit to something longer than a week. If I can do this I believe that God will bring me closer to my ultimate goal which is to lose my freakin weight and be happy with who I am and who God truly created me to be. Thank Youdesireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-10656512266296333622011-04-15T06:00:00.003-06:002011-04-15T06:35:15.708-06:00DisciplinedAll my life I have heard you must be disciplined in order to do ____________. Or Desiree' you must have been really disciplined in order to get up every morning at 5:30am to go and pray and workout. Before I was quote "disciplined" I would think of this word as a bad word. Growing up I was disciplined for my actions. If I didn't do something an adult would say to do they would discipline me or punish me was the word I knew. We use the word discipline now to me more politically correct right? Well the actual definition of disciplined is:<br />1. "The training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline."<br />2. "punishment inflicted by way of correction and training."<br />3. "activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training."<br /><br />I believe you are either born naturally disciplined or you have to be taught to be disciplined. One memory I can remember being truly disciplined was when I played school sports, If I wanted to play I had to follow a certain type of rule. Get good grades, go to practice, do what the coach says and then the reward was that you would be able to play a certain amount of time in the actual game. This type of discipline was great! You always had a reward at the end of something you worked hard for. But most of my growing up life I saw the word or experience the word disciplined differently I saw it as the definition #2. Punishment, inflicted. I even began punishing myself if I could not succeed at something that I was trying to succeed at or was asked to do. This is where I believe I got my people pleasing personality. <br /><br />You're probably asking why is she writing about disciplined what does this have to do with her journey? Well it has a lot to do with it. In the last couple of weeks that I have been trying to be do this PRISM weight loss I've found myself not succeeding at it. The PRISM calls out that you must not eat anything with added sugar or sugar in it and also no white flour stay away from the carbs and also staying within a certain amount of calories. Which if you've been keeping up with my blog you know that I am very addicted to the sugar and carbs. One early morning while feeding my son Tristen I was looking at him and wondering where in my early childhood or when did I become so dependent on food for my emotions. When did I go from being fed to what I needed for my body to consuming more than I needed. Why can't I just be disciplined enough not to eat ___________. Or why does my stomache always feel empty when I know caloric-ally I have what I need to survive but it's not good enough for me. <br />I realized since I got pregnant I threw all my disciplined things out. I would always pray daily, I would run daily, I would sleep and wake up at the same time for the most part, I had a schedule that I would attain and I was very happy. For some odd reason when I became pregnant I lost all that, I was very tired all the time and not to mention Cooper and I moving to Boise and I had a whole different setting. A lot of change went on. Realistically I became fearful of the new situation I was in and threw all my good habits away and curled up into a dark cave and stayed there up until I recently had Tristen. <br /><br />I realized that I need to be disciplined again. So these last couple of weeks I've tried to throw everything back in, but I've failed. I realized then that I was trying to do much at the same time that I would become overwhelmed and just fail at everything versus trying really hard to succeed at one thing first. So here it is. I am writing a list of things that I would like to start doing again but I am only going to do 1 thing and then add another once I am able to succeed at the first thing and keep it going. Then I started thinking well what should I do first or what would I want to do first. Here is my list<br />1. Pray/Read daily for a consistent 6wks with no day off and then continue this after<br />2. Start my exercise routine: Video exercise/walking/jogging/running 3 miles at least 3x a week for 6wks and continue this once I succeed this<br />3.Get rid of sugar/flour in my diet, stay away from sweets and flour for 6wks.<br /><br />There is more to my list of what I would like to be disciplined in but for now I feel like these are my most important ones. So starting this week starting today for 6 whole weeks I am going to commit to praying and reading scripture and asking God to follow me on this journey. Wish me luck. I belive this is going to help me so much.desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-84507652057407125852011-04-06T09:40:00.003-06:002011-04-06T11:46:29.257-06:00Deprived or DisciplinedSo since really starting this journey I have always been saying to myself I have to be disciplined. But quite honestly today and yesterday I have felt deprived. Deprived that I can't eat what others are able to eat. It's such a matter of mind over matter. Why is it so hard to follow through with things, why can't a simple carrot taste as good to me as a freakin bowl of ice-cream? I am going crazy here. Maybe because it is day 4 without any refined sugar or white flour and I am detoxing. Yes I used the word detox, I am an addict to food to really good food or I guess in this case not so good for you food. I am doing this diet called PRISM and it has a daily reading and it's to help me change my attitude towards food. Well my attitude in last four days as been jealousy, anger and frustration. Questioning myself am I ever going to be able to have a freaking slice of cake with self-control. Am I ever going to be able to have self-control at all? Much like an alcoholic am I just going to have to stay away from all this good tasting stuff for life? Am I ever going to be able to feel satisfied with my life change? I sure hope so. I actually know that I can. I just don't see it this second of this minute. Today is hard I am feeling dizzy, sick, and really shaky. I really truly am an addict coming off of a drug; drug of choice sugar. <br /><br />As I am writing this I have found that this journey is not about losing weight in numbers, it's not about feeling all skinny and fabulous granted this is all plus things. But for me it's an emotional roller coaster. It's figuring out my life in the past and present and figuring out why I choose to eat the way I eat. Do I not have respect for myself? Do I not think I am worth it? Do I really only think that I am only good enough for a freaking doughnut and not those amazing organic expensive vegetables? Am I not worth what God has made? God did not create doughnuts, he made vegetables from the ground to give us the essential vitamins to put in our bodies to be able to grow into mature people. Instead I have felt that I am putting junk in my body and growing into a weed. I shouldn't feel deprived of this I should feel relieved that God has given us better food for us don't I deserve this? Up front realistically I know what is good for me, I know what is healthy for me. But there are many time I feel worthless so what do I do I grab worthless items and stick it in my mouth. I need to break this and I am now walking that journey to defeat my emotions and to defeat my guilt. I am going to conquer this enemy!!!<br /><br />My reading today<br />Ephesians 5:15-17 "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is."<br />Psalm 56:12-13 "I will surely do what I have promised, Lord, and thank you for your help. For you have saved me from death and my feet from slipping, so that I can walk before the Lord in the land of the living."<br /><br />This I do promise Lord whatever it takes I will defeat and conquer this. Thanks Desiree' May :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-12780116378518173132011-04-04T13:44:00.004-06:002011-04-04T13:56:49.305-06:00Can't blame anyone but yourselfWow again I really suck at this whole blogging thing, but just so you know I haven't given up on my journey. I realized the title of my blog is 50lbs seems so far... Now it's more like 70lbs seems so far. Yes I have gained weight... but all in good behavior we had our baby. Tristen Jerome McCann he was born on February 9th, 2011. I can't believe he is going to be 2 months soon. It goes by so fast. In all of this hectic crazy learning to be a mommy thing, I started to forget about myself. I actually became a little depressed because I lost who I was again and now have to figure out what Desiree' looks or is as a mommy now. I have found that I am definitely a emotional eater. Since I have had my little guy it seemed all I was craving was sweets, sweets, sweets. Not okay when your already over-weight. Well I gave into my cravings daily and gained 10lbs in the last two months, I lost the instant baby weight, but have not lost anything else. So I am sucking it up and as of yesterday started my diet called PRISM, it's great because it involves doing daily devotions which I love and holding myself accountable. I also am going to a group weekly that meets and holds one another accountable to the program. It's kind of like weight watchers but it's a faith based diet. (Which is who I am) The only thing that motivates me is the LORD!! I can't do this alone, I need him to help me. <br /><br />I found myself feeling guilty because I am unable to breastfeed. So the first month of being a mom was rough, i became very stressed and started packing my emotions with food instead of talking them out with the people that love and support me. So this is why I've titled the blog the way it is. I can't blame anyone, but myself for over indulging in food. I am no longer blaming anyone but myself for the weight gain. So here I go. Restarting and going to do whatever it takes to lose this weight before baby #2. Thank You!! :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-50378508464610604652010-12-12T08:37:00.003-07:002010-12-12T08:58:03.192-07:00Wow what a Journey! "LIFE"So again I've never said I would be the best blogger in the world but I kind of suck at the whole blogging thing, keeping it updated and such! Well what has happened since the last time I wrote!! A whole lot of stuff!! I did run my 5K all the way back in June and it was a fun experience. I didn't do as well as I thought but that is ok,,, there is a reason for that but I'll tell you about that later on in this statement of life. Since then a lot has happened Cooper (My wonderful amazing Husband) was able to get a job but sadly not in Montana but in Boise Idaho. He had to move there at the end of March and I stayed behind to finish up my work in Big Sky Montana to the end of June or something like that. As Cooper was gone I was still on my weight journey trying to lose weight and eat healthier and I feel like I was doing a pretty good job. It was a lot easier to eat healthy without him there for some reason. I lost 10lbs which was alright but nothing to extravagant in my eyes. <br />Cooper was able to come visit me in May and we ended up with our newest addition in our family our "Wimerainer puppy Raea" I pretty much had to beg Cooper for the dog and he finally gave in to it. By the way he loves his puppy! Then he had to leave again until I was ready to move back with him. On June 19th I found out that I was pregnant and that Cooper and I were going to be parents. I was going to wait to tell him on June 20th because that was Father's Day but I was so excited that I couldn't wait. I had to call him and tell him which was a bummer but life goes on right? So let's just say for the next few months we were heading into a lot of change. Moving from friends and family, expecting a lil McCann in February. This is where I want to blame my soon to be child for my not so great run in the 5K. I was literally pregnant as I was running and had no idea, there was a reason why I felt so dizzy as I was running that whole time and why I was so exhausted because my body was preparing for a lil baby! <br /><br />Now it's December and I haven't written well over 7months now! Cooper and I are very excited and can't wait for our little guy to come into this world!! Or wait yes we can wait!! :) I am not due until February 20th but that feels to me just around the corner. My little guy Tristen Jerome has been kicking me like crazy I love it! He knows my voice and his daddy's voice now it's so sweet. So needless to say my Journey for the weight loss has stopped for now, but I am taking good care of myself for both myself and Tristen. I have gained this far only 16lbs and I only have 2 1/2 months left so this is good. I have expressed to my doctor how fearful I was gaining all the pregnancy weight after losing so much already and still feeling like I was not done losing. My doctor gave me a good weight amount to gain and I am trying to stick to that. I think it is all by the Grace of our God that I haven't gained a lot and I think the Lord knows how important this is to me. So thank you to my biggest fan My Heavenly Father!! So after our little one comes I will be getting back to my routine of losing weight and enjoying the journey!!desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-28162758021357114072010-04-12T09:06:00.003-06:002010-04-12T09:15:21.959-06:00Wow I SuckOk wow I am not impressed of my blogging abilities. You want to know why I haven't been blogging because I really truly haven't been doing much to keep off the weight. I am now more confident about some things. I have a friend that is holding me accountable to my working out. If I could just have a very loud obnoxious beeper that would go off in my head every time I picked something bad up to eat... I think it would make the journey a lot easier. <br />Yesterday I was inspired by a couple of friends who I was driving with back from Idaho to Montana. I was mostly listening to the conversation and what came up was how we all feel horrible how we eat, how we always feel much better when we are active and eating healthy and how much work it takes to stay that way!! If life could be the other way around and we could be happy with just sitting on the couch eating a bag of chips and our calorie burning exercise would be our mouths going up and down from eating the bag of chips and we just burned 182 calories wouldn't life be so much easier? Well of course but what I have realized on the journey is that life is work. Life is hard. If we work hard then we are so much happier in the end results. <br /><br />Another thing that I thought was very inspiring was hearing the conversation laid down as " I don't want to be in shape or look great because of society I want to be in shape because I want to do my ministry well, and if I'm not in shape that I will not be able to do my ministry in excellence." I want to strive for excellence in this area. So I'm getting off the couch and running a 5K June 6th. I am in the process of training now for it. I want to be healthy and active for Me!!desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-91882451537892735452010-03-09T19:56:00.003-07:002010-03-09T20:18:52.347-07:00Trials may be failures or failures may be trials!So I know it's been a long long time since my last blog. I apologize for this. However the title of my blog is very appropriate to the way that I have been feeling. I think a lot of times I feel that when I am going through a trail then I feel like such a failure. I have been dealing with a lot of emotions lately with trying to lose weight and almost become obsessive about it that it becomes discouraging that I start saying to myself "I can start again on Monday." "I will start tomorrow." I wish it was just easy for me to lose weight. I wish I could just lose it all in one day. I realize that this is not realistic but I do wish it was much easier. I need to be able to encourage myself and become determined about this goal. I know it's realistic, I'm not setting to high standards, to put it to the truth, I just do not want to have to work that hard to get these results. Realistically I just wish I could push a magic button and I could just lose all of my weight. However, I do know that this is not realistic and that I need to be determined. Well here I come boot camp early in the morning. Signing out Desiree' :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-75889402456922060872010-03-02T20:26:00.005-07:002010-03-02T20:36:25.061-07:00Hang On... Can I believe??Ok so today is Tuesday and to be quite honest today I had no motivation at all to go work out. I did notice though that I was more aware of how much I was eating if I wasn't going to work out. Sometimes I swear there is like two of me battling over me. There me 1 who wants to do whatever it takes to lose all of my weight and be able to be healthy again and then there is me 2 who looks at everyone and wishes she could be like them because it would be easier. If I just was like them I wouldn't be wear I am at, or if I was just born in a diff Ara. GIVE ME A BREAK ME 2. Yes I know it's crazy to think this, but realistically this is what I am sure most woman or young gals go through every freakin day to be accepted by society. Well to heck with society. Why do be believe so much of this when really I should believe in myself and love me. I put way to much focus on what I should look like. If I would focus that much on something else I am sure the world would be a much happier place if I didn't think about me or we didn't think so much about what "they" think!! OK OK enough of my tangent! I am getting up tomorrow morning for some boot camp. I am going to work work work and sacrifice an hour to really burn some calories and know that I am working and doing my best to perfect what my body needs to be healthy again. <br /><br />My focus tomorrow: To not say anything or think anything negative about myself. This challenge is going to be hard but I know it is possible because I am taking back what society has taught me to believe to being what I know I can be!!! :)<br />Signing off<br />50 more lbs to go!!desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-27105290507242168512010-03-01T14:45:00.001-07:002010-03-01T14:48:30.149-07:00Weekend Crashers!!Real quick because I have a minute or two right now. My weekends are a struggle to be quite honest, I just have all the time in the world :) Yeah right. Just to be completely honest with myself I think I am an emotional eater and eat out of boredom. this is what I observed during the weekend. However I did commit to walk on Sat, Sun and that did happen :) So yeah go me!! I'll write more late about my routine in the morning and how everything went at my 4th day of boot camp :) Until then see ya later:)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-72732349658326563752010-02-26T14:46:00.002-07:002010-02-26T15:02:31.651-07:00Alarm Alarm AlarmDay 5 of Workout. Quite honestly I don't think in the last 2 years of losing my weight that I have ever went all 5 days to do a workout. I am totally psyched that I achieved this! It wasn't ever a goal of mine to go 5 days a week it was more like I should probably do this. I am going to try my best to keep going 5 days a week and keep consistent with this. If you know me at all I am not consistent with anything. I'll say I want to do something for a blank amount of time and I'll try and I for some reason fail at it every single time. Maybe I expect to much, maybe I'm not making realistic goals, but I still think I need to commit when I say I am going to commit. <br /><br /><br />If your falling along with my blogs you know that I was suppose to get up like at 4:30am to go to my bootcamp class? Yep didn't happen and honestly it was my alarms fault not mine no excuses here at all. I woke up thinking; Wow I feel like I've been sleeping longer than I should be! I looked at the alarm clock and sure enough it was 5:45am bummer:( So yes I missed my class this morning. But good news is I have Fridays off from work so I remembered that they do the same boot camp class at 9:00am also so I went to that. So I didn't miss it. I have decided that unless I have other commitments then I will just get up on Fridays and go to that 9:00am class. On the bright side I'll get to sleep in. :) <br /><br />Today wasn't a hard class at all I felt great about the workout. I probably could have pushed myself a little harder but I did my best and that's all I can do. <br /><br />Thinking moment: I have found that I will always do really well during the week and during the weekends really slack off. My Goal this weekend is to keep on track with everything. I am going to commit to go for a walk on Saturday, and Sunday, just to be able keep my mind from saying "I deserve to be lazy this weekend I worked hard this week" I am going to reward myself with something better than being lazy!!<br /><br />Signing off Thanks,<br />Desiree'desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-17657442184208855402010-02-25T21:20:00.004-07:002010-02-25T21:47:30.793-07:00Day Four and I Want More! No More excuses!!I honestly woke up this morning not wanting to go and work out. I got up and I got everything packed and ready for my day. I even had some time to just sit and relax. Well I found as I was by my fireplace with my cat all cuddled up by the heater I began to find myself wanting to not go work out and just hang out with the cat. (Excuse #1 Ready) I've worked really hard the last three days and I deserve a day I'll make it up on Saturday. Who am I kidding! I began to find myself lying to myself. I even had my husband convinced that is exactly what I would do. <br />I even at the audacity to tell me husband that I miss showering in my own shower the gym shower just weren't cutting it for me (Excuse #2). I began to think that I should be grateful for even being able to shower daily. :) I then talked myself out of the excuses and finally gave in this morning and walked out of my house at 5:50am to begin my morning workout. <br /><br />Well I began to ponder about it and knew that I was kidding myself and that I would not make up the day so I just got up and went and worked out. <br /><br />Destination: The Gym: When I finally got to my destination I felt great! No I felt awesome after working out! I just felt like my body is ready for all of this and I am willing to put up with just about anything. <br /><br />Until the full the rest of my day started and I realized my number one enemy is..... myself. I wish I could tell you that it's somebody else, but realistically it never has been it has always been me. I get down on myself and then become very self critical about my image. Then the 2nd worst enemy that would discourage me would be STRESS.<br /><br />I can't believe how much stress can add on to your life and become a discouragement then an encouragement. Ok, I know that is probably why most of us gain weight anyhow, because of stress in our world. If life could just be still at times I think their would be more success stories about people being able to lose weight. If their just was no such thing as stress, but we live in a broken world and I guess there really isn't any excuse for me. Yes I am trying to find excuses, I always have tried and it just doesn't seem to ever work out. You think I would catch on to this theory and stop making up excuses! <br /><br /><br />Valuable Lesson learned today was to not make excuses!<br /><br />2nd Lesson Learned today was that if your not prepared then you won't succeed. So no procrastinating! <br /><br />Well if you've been reading my blog I've been writing that I've been tired but except I have only spelled out the word tire :) So I guess that proves my point I am tired and I am going to wake up tomorrow for day 3 of Boot camp!! Tomorrow will be a better day. Did I tell you that I have Fridays off and I am going to get up at 4:30am to go to my boot camp. Go ME!!!! :)<br /><br />Your weightloss journey friend,<br />Desiree' Maydesireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-86347304145260472842010-02-24T20:08:00.004-07:002010-02-24T20:18:20.389-07:00Better get A-Movin and Get Off of the Secret StationFebruary 24, 2010 8:12pm<br />Well I am sure no one is reading this and I am ok with this but boy are you missing out on some secrets secrets secrets ;) This morning was a good morning! I woke up tire of course who wouldn't be when they wake up at 4:30am. Just to let you all know I am so thankful for my awesome husband he also gets up with me and he will prepare my b-fast,lunch and pack it for me because once I go to the gym I am heading to work right after. Anywoo to get off that tangent. I woke up and did the 2nd day of boot camp it actually was hard but it felt so good due to how sore I was I didn't think I would be able to do anything, but I did and I did it with strength and perseverance. I did not weigh myself today I am only going to try to weigh myself weekly. I think it is healthy to obsess over it either so I am only going to do a weekly weigh in. <br /><br />So I do have to admit today, I did not give it my hardest but I was sore :) <br /> <br />Guilty thought today: (Driving home from work and I had some left over valentine candy from my husband and I totally woofed it down. I then became very guilty about this)<br /><br />Lesson I learned: Do not ever feel guilty about making a mistake just get back on the wagon and work harder that next second, minute, hour, day.... Positive thinking is much better!! <br /><br />So I am going to sign off! I will be getting up around 5:00am to go to a 30minute cardio this time I am going to try to give it my all!! <br /><br />Thanks to whoever is interested in reading my posts!!desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6291933881455630117.post-60105675553190817842010-02-23T19:20:00.000-07:002010-02-23T19:37:18.731-07:00Needless to say I am sore inside and outside!Tuesday Night February 23, 2009 7:31pm (Mountain Time)<br /><br />Needless to say today I am very sore. I went to the boot camp class yesterday morning and I am very very very sore. Considering the way I'm used to losing weight before was just by running! Well my coach, trainer, (lady that I paid lots of money to:) decided that she is going to have me do lunges lunges lunges and running running running of course. Granted I did sign up for this right;) The running wasn't so bad but those damn lunges make me hurt. I kid you not in a number since I probably had to do at least 100 if not more by the end of the hour. She of course weighed me and said that for an incentive whoever loses the most weight in this six week course will get a free six week course. I kind of chuckled at the thought but yet was very thankful at the same time to know. So you probably want to hear how much I weighed in at. Yes I am a woman and I am willing to share with the world what I currently weigh. Ready.... Ready... (197.6lbs) (Shit I better get back on track soon or I am going to become that big baboon very soon!) <br /><br />Today I went and did 20minute cardio I was hurting from the morning previous from today. My Coach did say do not skip the in between days of not having boot camp because it will help my body not to stay as sore and to get in to shape quickly. Well I am still very very sore it hurts to squat and go to the potty. (For all of you that do not know me I am a preschool teacher.) I have to do a lot of squatting down to look at my kiddos can I say ouch!!! I felt like an 98 year old woman squatting down because it hurt so much. So I weighed in today at 196.2 So I have lost a pound YEA!!!!!! Well 49 more pounds to go!! I'm signing off tonight as I am tire and have to wake early in the morning to begin the 2nd day of Boot camp! <br /><br />P.S. I am very excited that I am hurting I know this is good for my body and that I need to keep strong and not get intimidated by this all! <br />Thanks everyone,<br />Desiree' May :)desireemayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10712366458938863159noreply@blogger.com0