Earth Quake!!!

Wow can I just say that I feel like I've been in an earth quake! I guess I have never been in a really earthquake so I can't truly say this but I can say my life has been shaken up a bit. Let's begin the day of November 10th... I just started on Weight watcher a couple of days prior to this and very consistent with working out 7 weeks to be exact. We got the horrible news that Cooper was fired from work this was shockingly surprising to the both of us, Cooper was so shocked. They had to let him go due to funds in the company I guess that lack their of. Well you know what is sad is when Cooper delivered the news all I could think of is in "my head" "What about weight watchers?" Isn't this disgusting!! Anyhow then I step back into reality and was like what the heck! What are we going to do? We were loving are family of friends in Boise. We really were beginning to feel like Boise could be a possible home for us. We met so many amazing people! People that literally would do anything for you in a second! It seemed like we had finally found ourselves where we could maybe be for awhile. Cooper and I both knew though that Boise would never be a settling down place, due to that is career of choice was very limited in the whole state of Idaho. This job literally the only job in his field in the whole state of Idaho. So that being said we knew right away that we must move back to Montana and just start figuring out life. We knew about a month prior to him being notified of getting fired that he decided to go back to Gradschool so we knew that we would be going back to MT sometime in the summer but not now, we did not have this planned to move.

So we had to do what we had to do,,, We sold almost everything we owned! (Almost) Can I just say when we moved to Boise we had a 20ft, plus a truck with another trailer on it and another car full of materialistic crap that we did not want to let go of. Let's just say the move back to MT we only, only had a 14ft moving truck and that is it. This may have been one of the hardest things but most wonderful thing that happened to us. All the materialistic crap in my life that I thought was so important was not really that important anymore. We lost everything but not really! Our faith has grown so much in the last 5 Months and I think the Lord was truly preparing me for this, because I kept telling myself Wow if I could just get rid of this.

Your probably asking what does this have to do with my weight loss journey! A whole lot actually. Currently right now I am still doing weight watchers and am very successful so far I've lost 10lbs in 6 weeks on top of what I already lost before starting WW. The thing is now it seems a lot harder to be successful but I am not going to let this temporary earthquake shake me up! The hardest challenge for me is right now we live in a very very small cabin in the middle of nowhere and it's freezing outside. Quite literally 10 degrees or lower some days. So how does one exercise consistently and hard. Well let's just say I haven't accomplished this yet. we have been going on several walks so that is good! Also the closest weight watchers meeting is an hour away. I have been very committed to this. So during this period of waiting out life, I can only focus on my eating habits so I take this has a blessing! :) Working out is easy for me, it has never been really that easy for me on the whole eating part of it all to stay healthy!

So if your reading this there are some prayer request we have
1. We are able to really seek Jesus in this time of waiting and take advantage of this
2. Cooper get's into grad=school. He will find out in March (Which he's confident he will) but you just never know
3. Cooper is able to find a temporary job until then.
4. Cooper's Mom and inherited father will see our faith grow stronger through this hard time and that she will seek the Lord herself.
5. That the Lord continue to provide for us and give us a clear direction.

Our Praises
1. We have this time to really just give to the Lord
2. Coopers Mom has this little cabin we are able to wait on life in until we figure out what we need to do... Rent free and utilities
3. Our lil guy T is healthy and growing like he should
4. Cooper and I are closer than we have ever been. I guess quite literally! He is my Rock!
5. We have been able to sit and pray for many people in our lives.
6. We have had some brief but great conversations with his Mom
7. Mother in law is bonding with her grandson
8. We are loved and have been blessed by so many friends and family in our lives and they are our Rock in prayer! Thank YOU!!
9. I am still losing weight!! :)
10. Loving my journey right now actually! :)

At Peace

I had an incident a few days ago. I lost a friend/supporter in my life (not death) just our friendship had to end. I was so frantic about things and the character of who they called me out to be. I realized this is the enemy attacking me yet again, these are lies. I was going to fall off...my training myself... but then I realized that is exactly what the enemy wants me to do. He wants me to fail, because I have realized the closer I get to my consistencies in life the closer I am with my Heavenly Father. I love Him so much. Yesterday was a very rough day starting in the morning. I was about to give up on everything. My faith mostly... I just wanted to surrender and not believe that there is such a thing as God...because of breakup with a dear friend whom is a Christian. I couldn't believe the things that came from this person the hatred. Yes I said some awful things too. I will admit that I am not perfect. I got on my hands and knees yesterday and prayed "LORD I need physical confirmation that the lies this person was speaking into me if there is any inkling of this as truth please please let me know!!" I don't want to be this person. This person said I had a seared conscience because I told them that I was no longer believing the lies that they were speaking into me. All morning I was like what if this person is right about my "seared conscience". I then again was LORD if any of this is true please please let me know in physical confirmation. I was about to give up on everything yesterday until I was like no that is exactly what it wants. TO GIVE UP, NOT TO SUCCEED!! So I went to my Zumba class and let me tell you I was crying like a baby all the way there, I was so angry. And then about the 3rd song I just was having fun again I was free from even any of these lies. The class ended and I was about to walk out until my instructor said "Desiree' come here what's up with you?" Lately you've been leaving class without any word. She knew that I'm trying really hard to lose my weight. She is kind of my accountability partner if you can say that. She then began to speak and said "Desiree' I just wanted to Thank you for your love for people, your willingness to do anything for them, You are beautiful!! You are gorgeous." (This just made me cry more like a baby I was literally shaken and she asked me what is wrong? I said you spoke the truth to me and I asked God this morning to give me a physical confirmation about something I was told I was... and you confirmed I am not!! I was so at peace with everything. I know for sure that I am not those words this person spoke into me. That was truly from the enemy. Thank You Lord for who you are in my life! I will continue to conquer this battle of weight in my life. I am going to lose it all in one year. I vow this to you!! :)

Jealousy.... A BIG PIT

Ok I'm not one that usually gets jealous.... WAIT back up I would be lying if I said that. I'm finding more and more that I am a very jealous person. I know I know I'm not suppose to right, but I do that is a big fault of mine. Last night I was speaking with my husband and a topic came up and I realized that I'm a very selfish individual. Well I am human, but I am capable of changing my attitudes and thoughts. This morning as I was working out I didn't have my headphones so I was unable to listen to my body pumping music so instead I decided to watch others as there working out. YES I am a people watcher for sure. I saw this gal probably my age or older but she was like wonder woman. She was on the treadmill and she was to speed intervals like speed 11 and jog 6. (WOW) I was just amazed by her. I would like to say in my head I was like way to go, your awesome, but nope! That's not at all what I said in my head. I said "Show-off" then I realized I became quickly jealous. Not in that instant time but now.

Yes I am a jealous person. I hate that sometimes I feels that it's easier for people to do things. There are many things this past week that I have become jealous of...
1. People that don't have to work at being (skinny)
2. People that have the money to just have everything they want
3. People that are very talented in photography but not willing to share their talent
4. People that can run a marathon like they just ran a mile
5. People that are completely out of debt
6. People that can go shopping for clothes and have fun with it
7. People that can just have an easy fix and don't have to work at it

These are things that I am jealous of and this morning as I was listening to a radio station Dave Ramsey (He does a financial peace university and helps people get out of debt) I realized I have a very jealous heart. Which is really holding me back to becoming the person I was created to be. Those are probably the most recent but I have realized I'm living in these lies daily and the enemy is really attacking me with these. Instead of being jealous I need to take in control and be able to do this myself. Some of these are really unrealistic and have no need to even be in my thoughts but they are. They really are tearing me apart. How am I suppose to transform if I keep having these negative thoughts. I know most people probably wouldn't admit who or what their jealous of but I had to write this to come into a realization that this is what is holding me back from being great. I want to be a great photographer! I want to be a very healthy active person that can run a marathon. I want to be debt free! I need to learn to teach myself that lies are lies and I can either live in that lie or break free from that lie. Today I have an opportunity to meet with a very passionate photographer. I have the opportunity to become a great photographer. also have an opportunity to get our family out of debt. I have the opportunity to be a very healthy and active marathon runner! I will do these and may more. No longer will I live behind these lies! No longer will I live in jealously. Starting today I am going to break free from this evil pit of jealousy I am no longer going to allow to take control. Instead of wishing that I could be like that gal at the gym and become jealous I am going to tell her Awesome job and become that myself. I want to be an encourager for all! I want to be a teacher to all! :) I will break free of this. Jealously will no long hold me captive. I am done falling into this pit daily. This realistically is going to be very hard but I know I can live a jealous free life. This may be my biggest challenge yet. Will you walk with me in this challenge?

My Own Worst Enemy

Hello you all transformers out there ready to hit the nation. So I feel good for sure but am not feeling great. Last night I went to a Zumba class at a dance studio of Ballet. Now I've never been a ballet dancer but I felt so awkward being there. It wasn't that I was there for a ballet class what-so-ever but parents were waiting for their little ballerinas to get out of class while the many of us Adult beginner Zumba people were waiting to go into the room. I began to feel that eyes were all over me. Making comments in their heads about me. It was really hard to enjoy my Zumba class last night because of the thoughts that I was having that I was making up in my own head that these others may have been thinking. I don't know if this makes any sense at all. There was a whole part of me that wanted to put on my shirt If you think I'm fat you should have seen me when I was 300 pounds. :) LOL and then on my back saying down blank pounds. Just so people knew that I was determined and I was losing weight. I think this is hard right now because I have moved to a different place where people did not know me. So I am going off of their first impression. I know this is all in my head that I making crap up to discourage myself on what other may be thinking. Key word "May be thinking." Even in my Zumba class I was the heaviest person there it was so hard to enjoy dancing while looking in the mirror and seeing myself reflection. Why must they have mirrors. O right to make sure you have the correct posture!!! Then to top it all off the instructor (love her dearly) was like OK everyone front row go back and back row come forward I almost had a heart attack. I am trying to get as far a way from my reflection as possible so I don't have to look at it. Then she says go to your "Happy Place" which was funny because how in the Hell can I go to my happy place when I am already feeling very awkward that close to a full body mirror!! I just want to holler "Mirror Mirror on this wall get the hell out of hear so I can just enjoy myself dancing." But it didn't so I had to do a Zumba song in front of a mirror that felt like just inches away. As soon as we were finished with the one song I looked back at the lady that was originally in my happy spot and pleaded with her so I could have that spot back. She was very nice and was like of course. Now tell me there is something wrong hear. Why do I think that way? Why do I keep holding myself back? Yes it's truly me who is holding me back. Not anyone. Not the ballerinas, or the ballerina parents. They never said a thing. I should have been able to go confidently in and strut my stuff. But I was embarrassed. Yes I was embarrassed by myself. I need to not only transform my body but mostly my mind and my thoughts. I am my own worst enemy right now! I will conquer this I know I will and when I do I am going to shout on top of a mountain! I DID IT!!!! :)

I will not Quit!

I am so tired today! But I have to do a work out. I think I will do my wii Zumba today. This is day 5 of completed workout if I do it... OK not if (when) I do it. I find it's really hard to stay motivated especially for me right now. I am a new Mommy to a beautiful baby boy who is 8 months right now. He is the one that keeps me motivated I guess. I want to be able to play with my guy until I am too old and have to be in a wheel chair. I don't want him to ever have to go through what I did as a child. I want him to learn good habits now and always keep them not only for him but for my future children as well. I want to transform my family not just myself. I saw a quote on the wonderful Facebook it said " It takes 4 weeks to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the whole world to notice. Give it 12 weeks. Don't Quit." I loved this it was very inspirational I hope one day I can tell the world about this long difficult journey! I want to be an encouragement to the world that no matter what your addiction is it takes 12 weeks. Don't Quit!! I am not quitting I will not quit!!! Thank you all who are an inspiration to me keep the comments coming they sure are helpful!! :) O by the way I have to go shopping today for some new pants! GOOD NEWS!!

Go me and Not lil Monsters

I am feeling great!! Went to the gym and had a wonderful workout. I love getting up in the early mornings and not having to deal with traffic, or get my son ready to go to the gym. All I have to do is hop in my car and go while husband stays and watches the lil guy while I have an hour all to myself. WOW what was I thinking why didn't I do this earlier. :) I don't know what to say is that all I am ready is to transform myself. I can't get over how happy I am to be changing for life. To change myself physically and really truly keep it there. I love who I am but I can be better is what I keep telling myself. As many of you know who are actually reading this blog I have been struggling with weight. I had an amazing conversation via facebook with a long distance cousin who I honestly can't remember her ever really in my life because she was older than I and we just connected via facebook. O How I love social networking. She has been keeping up with me in my posts and sent me a message saying how she knows what I am going through. That she is in the same boat. That I was encouraging her to get on track with life. It was funny cause she mentioned weight issues being in the family being genetic. I always knew that in my good ol maiden name (West) family people dealt with it but didn't know to the extent that she and I were talking about it. It was so refreshing to hear that she knew what I was struggling with and she knew the pain of trying to fight it. As I have said before this is an "addiction." I told her that I think subconsciously I used the "genetics" card for a long while and just kept saying it was hopeless it's in my blood I'll never be the person I want to be. Then I realized that was that damn "lil monster" speaking to me again. I had to realize that I cannot and will not use that as an excuse. I can change. I will change. I will transform. Here is a shout to all of you that have it in "your blood" you can break free from it. You can change, you can do it, you can transform for the next generation!! :)

Transformation Nation

I woke up early this morning meaning 6:00am for most people that is probably not early but for me it is. I went to the Gym and workout!! Day 6 of getting up early and doing this. I know this is silly but we read in the paper yesterday Dr OZ 7 steps. He is titling it Dr Oz's transformation nation. In the paper it gave a lot of frightening statics about America and it's climbing obesity rate. Which I thought was astonishing because I thought we as a Nation have been getting better but I guess not. So he going to give a person a Millon dollars to transform their life. I am trying to do it. Not so much the million dollars but it sure is an awesome incentive to try to work up too. I don't want to be the one that lost weight because of a million dollars I want to lose weight because of a million reason. One biggest thing is I want to be young with my children. I was inspired today at the gym this morning by a lady that was probably between the age of 60-70 not sure but she was working out hard and I was like that is what I want to be when I get older I want to be that lady that has all the energy in the world to play with her grandkids and not have to be stuck to a wheel chair. I am young enough to change that now. So not even a million dollars will get me to be that. The only thing that will get me to be that is my own determination to succeed and damn it I am going to succeed. If I don't win the million dollars and I win the good health card to me that is a millon bucks. I want to live a long life. Unless of course God says otherwise. But I don't want to die because of my health I don't want to go down knowing that I died because she was fat and unhealthy. Here is too this journey that I am finally going to take back!! :) Thanks Desiree' May

PS Encouragement is always great thank you all!! :)