My Own Worst Enemy

Hello you all transformers out there ready to hit the nation. So I feel good for sure but am not feeling great. Last night I went to a Zumba class at a dance studio of Ballet. Now I've never been a ballet dancer but I felt so awkward being there. It wasn't that I was there for a ballet class what-so-ever but parents were waiting for their little ballerinas to get out of class while the many of us Adult beginner Zumba people were waiting to go into the room. I began to feel that eyes were all over me. Making comments in their heads about me. It was really hard to enjoy my Zumba class last night because of the thoughts that I was having that I was making up in my own head that these others may have been thinking. I don't know if this makes any sense at all. There was a whole part of me that wanted to put on my shirt If you think I'm fat you should have seen me when I was 300 pounds. :) LOL and then on my back saying down blank pounds. Just so people knew that I was determined and I was losing weight. I think this is hard right now because I have moved to a different place where people did not know me. So I am going off of their first impression. I know this is all in my head that I making crap up to discourage myself on what other may be thinking. Key word "May be thinking." Even in my Zumba class I was the heaviest person there it was so hard to enjoy dancing while looking in the mirror and seeing myself reflection. Why must they have mirrors. O right to make sure you have the correct posture!!! Then to top it all off the instructor (love her dearly) was like OK everyone front row go back and back row come forward I almost had a heart attack. I am trying to get as far a way from my reflection as possible so I don't have to look at it. Then she says go to your "Happy Place" which was funny because how in the Hell can I go to my happy place when I am already feeling very awkward that close to a full body mirror!! I just want to holler "Mirror Mirror on this wall get the hell out of hear so I can just enjoy myself dancing." But it didn't so I had to do a Zumba song in front of a mirror that felt like just inches away. As soon as we were finished with the one song I looked back at the lady that was originally in my happy spot and pleaded with her so I could have that spot back. She was very nice and was like of course. Now tell me there is something wrong hear. Why do I think that way? Why do I keep holding myself back? Yes it's truly me who is holding me back. Not anyone. Not the ballerinas, or the ballerina parents. They never said a thing. I should have been able to go confidently in and strut my stuff. But I was embarrassed. Yes I was embarrassed by myself. I need to not only transform my body but mostly my mind and my thoughts. I am my own worst enemy right now! I will conquer this I know I will and when I do I am going to shout on top of a mountain! I DID IT!!!! :)