Mirror Mirror In The Room, Tell Me Tell Me

Wow I had quite an amazing morning actually. I've been doing the Zumba class here in Boise and I absolutely love it. I feel great except when they have all those mirrors around the room. WOW I went through the whole class then towards the end of the class I took a look at myself in the Mirror and sobbed uncontrollably. Thankfully no one saw me but I really was happy and went to straight sad. Here I am the person 4 years ago that lost a ton of weight and it slowly but quickly catching back up to me. I had a slight conversation with a friend on the phone and she asked how I was doing? You know what I couldn't hold it in anymore, I said to her I just hate that I struggle with my weight it consumes my thoughts probably 12 hrs a day. Why can't I just be happy with myself? I told her I just wish I could be happy with who I am. I love who I am personality wise but when I look at my body I am shocked. I HATE IT. I can honestly say that. I really am asking the Lord to release me from this addiction. What am I holding on to so much? I want a magic wand and just poof skinny Des. But what would that teach me right! I know I have to work hard at this. But I feel like I am completely alone in this challenge. I kind of envy my husband while I've been gaining weight he's been losing weight. Not on purpose by any means. He just has one of "Those metabolisms" but in reality he has control. I have no control, I mean I do but the mental control is exhausting sometimes. I am one day going to lose all my weight, I am one day going to beat this addiction. I am one day going to have Control. LORD give me all of this break me and mold me into the person you physically created me to be. I want to stop looking at people and wishing that I looked like them. I want to be happy with me physically. I want this but do I want it bad enough? As I type I feel like I want it bad enough but living my life out it sure doesn't seem like it. I guess it's kind of the same way as being a Christian. I want it when I am thinking about it, I want to live my life for Christ and only Christ but then I get stuck in the swamp and get all sticky and don't go after living my life for Christ. So Mirror Mirror on the wall, Tell Me Tell Me do I want it at all?